


The Suicide Queen

by deepestfathoms



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Anne is a little shit, Anxiety, Bessie Blount Needs A Hug, Bessie is a shy baby, Child Abuse, Cleves is a sweetheart, Crying, Depression, Dorks in Love, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Family Fluff, Hallucinations, Hearing Voices, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Ice Skating, Ice Skating AU, Lots of Crying, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychosis, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Soft Catherine of Aragon, Stalking, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, triple axels into your heart, written by someone who has never professionally ice skated before
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28079196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deepestfathoms/pseuds/deepestfathoms
Summary: Bessie Blount was ten when she was diagnosed with clinical depression. At the time, her parents wrote it off as a mistake and said she tricked the doctors into thinking she had such a thing for attention. Now, at the age of eighteen, she had the scars to prove her anguish.All Bessie wanted was to die. With a sexually abusive stalker, a family that hates her guts, and a social life ruined by a scandal she didn't even do, she had nothing in this world. The only person who ever gave a shit about her had gotten married, and the voices in her head told her to stop seeing her as often because she would just annoy her.But when she develops a new talent and befriends the most beautiful and amazing woman she had ever seen, she realizes that maybe she can stick around a little longer, but only if she could conquer the Beast staring back at her on the ice before it could conquer her.
Relationships: Anne Boleyn/Catherine Parr, Catherine of Aragon & Elizabeth "Bessie" Blount, Catherine of Aragon/Jane Seymour, Elizabeth "Bessie" Blount/Anne of Cleves
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

Blood.

On the ice.

There was blood on the ice and blood on the snow and blood on Bessie’s wrists, dripping slowly like syrup down to the ground. The droplets looked like buried rubies in the fluffy white powder, dark and gleaming against the blank background of winter’s tears.

The blade of the ice skates had been difficult to snap off, but her will had been much stronger than whatever had attached them to the bottom of the shoe. She hoped the owner wouldn’t be too mad if they ever came back for the skates they left behind, but surely they would understand why she did what she did. 

She had to.

The setting sun reflected across the frozen pond in shades of red and orange. It looked as if the surface was covered in blood, and Bessie fantasized as it being her own.

She wanted it to be her own.

She wanted to _die_.

Bessie dragged the blade down her wrist again, gritting her teeth through the bright pain. It was stinging, familiar, soothing. It distracted her from seeing faces in the gnarled trees all around her, made her avoid seeing the wicked reflection in the ice. The pain let her Not See, and in return, she gave it blood.

That was how it’s been for a long time. She couldn’t remember when it started or why she even started doing it, but she couldn’t stop. Not anymore.

She was too far gone.

She needed to be Put Down.

(she wished she could do it herself but she’s scared she’s so scared)

Bessie looked at the pond again. The beast reflected across its surface seemed to be beckoning her over. She obliged to its silent calls, standing up and dropping the bloody blade into the snow.

She tentatively stepped onto the ice. It proved to be stable beneath her feet, so she took another step. And then another. And then another.

Bessie stood at the center of the pond, knees wobbling treacherously against the slickness of the surface. She looked down, and her reflection was not her own.

 **“Look at you,”** Said The Beast. **“What a mistake. How does it feel? Do you enjoy actively dripping your own blood?”**

Bessie didn’t answer. Her eyes were as glassy and hollow as the ice she was standing on.

 **“Go on, feel sorry for yourself.”** The Beast said. **“Since there’s no one left to do that for you.”**

Bessie stomped her foot as hard as she could, willing the ice to break. She longed for the dark depths beneath its mass. The water seemed to be calling to her, longing to hold her in its chilling embrace. She wanted it more than anything.

Hiding her problems from others was easier than she expected it to be when only, like, three people gave a shit about her.

She thought, at some point, that people did their best to make her feel included and a part of the group, but they’ve given up since then. They’ve marked her as a lost cause and have moved on. And Bessie didn’t blame them.

She was falling deeper and deeper into depression as the days went by.

She couldn’t remember when it started, she just knew it came about from lack of attention and lack of love and lack of friendship and lack of everything. And that was pathetic.

Why couldn’t she function properly? Why did she turn into such a mess?

What was happening to her?

Blood dripped down onto the ice, splattering beautifully upon hitting the surface. It was such a glorious bright red color.

Cutting wasn’t an act of needing attention, like she knew she would be accused of if people found out, it was more of an act to get adrenaline, to escape the constant pain and anxiety that thrummed through her body on the daily. Letting the edge of a sharp object, whether it be a knife or a glass shard or a piece of aluminum can or an ice skate’s blade, carve off pieces of her skin, scratching away the dead, bad parts of her, deeper and deeper each time, just released the most amazing endorphins that she couldn’t even begin to explain. It was like she was floating. And it was the only thing that made her slightly happy anymore, as disgusting as that may have seemed.

She hated it. She hated herself. She didn’t know what she hated.

But she did know that she wanted to be in the water. It was calling to her louder. Its voice was so velvety and silky, almost like molten honey.

It sounded like it _cared_. And she craved care more than anything in the whole world.

Tears joined the blood on the ice. The Beast was smirking up at her, she knew it was. It loved seeing her like this.

 **“You can’t escape me,** ” The Beast said. **“You can’t run.”**

Bessie gripped her scathed wrist tightly. The blood oozed through her fingers, hot and slippery.

**“Join me. Nobody will miss you”**

Her lips quivered. She ground her heel into the ice, wanting it to break so badly. She needed to be held.

**“Just do it already!”**

_Blank Space_ by Taylor Swift cut through the voice in Bessie’s head. 

Her ringtone.

Someone was calling her.

Bessie turned, sniffling. She could see her phone flashing on the bay, by one of her shedded jackets. She slid back over and answered it.

“Hello?”

 _“Hello,”_ Aragon’s warm, soothing voice overcame the roaring in Bessie’s ears. _“Did you still want to come over for dinner tonight?”_

“Yeah,” Bessie answered, biting back the wavering of her voice. “I’ll be there soon.”


	2. Chapter 2

Bessie’s eyes were stinging when she woke up that morning. She groaned, draping an arm over her face, and knew it was going to be one of those days.

She hauled herself out of bed and gazed around her small dorm room. She always thought it was rather dull compared to some of the others she had seen, simply having a bunk bed with a black couch underneath it, a desk, a single shelf for her belongings, and a venus fly trap that she took care of better than she took care of herself. Thick grey blackout curtains were drawn tightly over the single window; she preferred to use light from the lamp sitting nearby or the fairy lights strung across her ceiling. She never turned on the overhead fluorescents if she didn’t have to.

On her way down from her bunk bed, Bessie stumbled on the last rung of the ladder and nearly hit her head against the wall directly behind her. She wished she had. She longed for her skull to shatter and for her brains to ooze out, signaling that she was no more in this horrible world.

Her bare feet sunk into the fluffy white carpet in front of her couch. The softness brought on an odd sense of comfort and she sighed softly.

“Another day,” She said to the taxidermy crow sitting on her desk.

She wondered if the reason why nobody liked coming into her room was because of all the vulture culture stuff she had. Her shelf was full of various animal skulls and bones, she had a bottle full of fangs, a jar with peacock feathers sticking out of it, and even a real kangaroo fur she bought from an antique store hanging up on the wall. A lot of people found it creepy and ‘cruel’, but she found it all fascinating.

After watering her venus fly trap, which she had named Jackie, she grabbed some fresh clothes and her shower supplies and stepped out into the hallway.

Her dorm building was notorious for its decorations during the holidays. It was always set up, regardless of what season it was. Right now, black and orange fairy lights were suspended across the ceiling, with little rubber bats and spiders hanging freely, signaling Halloween. There were even a few skeletons and zombies standing around in the corners, which never failed to scare the absolute shit out of Bessie when she got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Several girls were already awake and mulling around, getting ready for the day. Mary Boleyn and Meg Tudor were chatting loudly outside Mary’s dorm room, talking about something some idiot said in their political science class. Margaret Dymoke was waiting impatiently outside of Christina of Denmark’s room, yelling at her to ‘hurry her ass up.’ Jane Popincourt was whisking out of the bathroom, shamelessly swathed in a pure white robe. Bessie shuffled past her with her head down and entered the bathroom.

Along with Jane Parker and Anne Parr, The Beast was there to greet her inside.

 **“Good morning, darling,”** It said from the reflection of the mirror.

Bessie used to have a mirror in her room. She had to get rid of it after she punched it while having a mental breakdown and shattered the entire thing. She remembered all the heads peeking out of the other rooms as she walked the broken thing to the dumpster outside.

Bessie felt Jane and Anne’s eyes on her as she trudged into one of the open showers. Their conversation resumed after she turned on the faucet, thinking the sputtering of the showerhead would drown out their words, but Bessie could still faintly hear them.

“…She’s so weird.”

“…Yeah. I’m surprised the counselor hasn’t called her in yet.” 

“…They haven’t already? Damn. I thought literally everyone telling them about how she cries herself to sleep at night would be enough.”

“…Clearly it’s not. I kinda feel bad for her.” 

“…Yeah, me too.” 

Their gossiping whispers disappeared as they seemed to exit the bathroom, and Bessie was left in silence once again.

But only for a moment.

 **“You wanted attention, didn’t you?”** Said The Beast. Even with the spraying water, Bessie could still hear it so clearly. Probably because its voice came from _inside_ her head, and it wouldn’t quiet down no matter how hard she covered her ears.

“Not like this,” Bessie muttered. She stared down at her naked body, at the slimness of her sides, at the sunkenness of her stomach, at the cuts marring her stomach and thighs. She splayed her hands open in front of her and looked at the scoring on her wrists, the point system of her constant losing battles. She clenched her fists.

 **“Be grateful,”** Said The Beast. **“They could ignore you. And don’t say you would want that because I know how you react to being shunned.”** Even though she couldn’t see it behind the curtain, Bessie knew it was smirking. **“You would be alone with me.”**

Bessie grit her teeth. “Shut up.”

She roughly grabbed a bottle of vanilla milk and papaya shampoo and squirted way too much into her hand. She began scrubbing it violently into her hair, making sure to rake her nails down her scalp so she could feel the pain. 

Hey, at least she was bathing. Her hair had been a greasy mess for about two weeks now.

 **“They can ignore you, but you can’t ignore me,”** The Beast said. **“I’ll always be here, darling. I’m your best friend. I’m your _only_ friend.”**

“Shut up!” Bessie yelled, yanking back the shower curtain and flinging the shampoo bottle at the mirror The Beast was reflected in. At the same time, Anya Askew entered the bathroom with her showering supplies and gave Bessie an extremely confused and concerned look. 

Bessie jerked the curtain back so only her head and shoulders could be seen. “Umm-- S-sorry, I was--” She glanced at the mirror, and Anya’s eyes followed, but she knew she couldn’t see The Beast smirking in the glass. “Thought I saw a spider! G-guess I was wrong! S-sorry!” She wrenched the curtain shut completely and backed up against the wall, covering her face with her hands.

 **“I don’t even need to ruin your life,”** The Beast said, sounding like it was right behind her. **“You do it for me. You make my job so easy.”**

Bessie squeezed her eyes shut, feeling a few tears stream free. She sniffled and swiped them away quickly. She couldn’t cry this early in the day. She needed to retain some shred of dignity.

Turning her attention back to the shower, Bessie began scrubbing her body with apple-scented soap, wincing when any open cuts on her skin stung in reaction to the chemicals. The scars, those that hadn’t scabbed over yet, were still gooey and red, the flesh around their edges white and puckered from the water. The faint paint they caused brought a dull sense of clarity within Bessie.

God. How much more of a freak could she be? Was she some kind of masochist or something?

No… No, she only liked pain when it was self-inflicted. She didn’t like when it was put upon her by someone else. He proved that.

She shook her head, sending a scatter of water droplets flying throughout the small space. She twisted underneath the hot water, washing off all the soaps and suds still clinging to her frame. 

She was clean once again.

**“Or as clean as a teenage whore could be…”**

Bessie just barely managed to bite back a yell, remembering that Anya was still in there with her. So, instead, she just closed her eyes and breathed out heavily.

After drying herself off and wriggling into her clothes for the day- grey sweatpants and a plain black sweater- Bessie stepped out into the rest of the bathroom. Even with the mirror completely fogged up, she could still see The Beast’s red eyes glinting at her hungrily as she walked to one of the sinks.

 **“You’re beautiful,”** The Beast cooed, materializing in the mirror over the sink she was using.

“Shut up.” Bessie growled, thinking that Anya couldn’t hear her because of the running water.

**“I’m just complimenting you,”** The Beast said innocently. **“You should thank me.”**

Bessie glared down at the sink as she began brushing her teeth with so much force her gums began to bleed. She spit bloody toothpaste foam into the drain before washing it out, gathering her things, and storming out of the bathroom. She faintly heard The Beast chuckling deeply before the door shut.

Once back in her door room, Bessie put her showering supplies back in their place and set her pajamas on the couch for later. She brushed out her long black hair, not caring if it was dripping wet, and then gathered her school supplies, put on her glasses, and left the dorm building.

Upon stepping outside, Bessie’s glasses instantly fogged up. She took them off while walking forward, wiping away the cloudiness until they were clear again. She put them back on and saw a black truck sitting by the curb.

Bessie froze.

All the dorm buildings on Princeton University were further away from the main campus, fenced in by brick walls and a gothic-looking gate. That meant that, unless Bessie wanted to try and scale the walls, she only had one way out. And she would have to pass the truck to do that.

Gathering up all her courage, Bessie began striding towards the gate. There were kids already outside in the courtyard, surely He wouldn’t try anything… 

Her confidence disappeared completely when she crossed the threshold, and Bessie fought the urge to turn and run back to the safety of her dorm. She bit her lip, willing herself not to cry as she walked by the truck. The windows were so tinted that she couldn’t see inside, but she knew He was looking back at her.

The truck rumbled to life upon her crossing the street. Bessie didn’t run, knowing that running would only make Him chase her. Maybe He would just go away if she moved slowly and acted like she didn’t care…

A tear ran down her cheek as the truck began rolling along behind her. She turned sharply and walked up a short flight of stairs that led up the curve of a small hill. Princeton University’s sprawling, plant-filled campus was then stretched out to her, but not even its thriving beauty could calm her nerves.

Bessie walked faster, keeping her head down. She knew she should be monitoring the truck, but she didn’t want to look at it. She didn’t want to risk seeing Him.

She tried to distract herself by looking around. The lush, healthy emerald green grass was sprinkled with early morning snow, glinting softly in the pale light slipping down from the blanket of grey clouds in the sky. It was too dull for shadows to be cast, and yet a dark shade grew from her feet and smiled at her wickedly.

 **“Come to me, darling,”** The Beast said.

Bessie jerked sideways and ran right into someone without even realizing it. She heard a grunt and instantly tottered backwards, apologies spilling from her lips.

“Sorry! I’m so sorry! I-I wasn’t watching where I was going!” _Please don’t hurt me…_

The person she had rudely bummed into stepped back, blinking brown eyes that were so dark they looked like pieces of ebony infused in their skull. Bessie realized it was a woman a year or two older than her, and she was the most beautiful person she had ever laid eyes on.

Internalized homophobia had always been one of the many problems Bessie had, but not even THAT could disagree that this was the most gorgeous human being to ever grace the earth.

She was a dark-skinned woman, tall and muscular, looking like she was capable of crushing Bessie’s skull between her thighs like it was a watermelon, and Bessie found herself longing for that to happen, and not just because she was suicidal. Her short dark brown hair was cut into a style that screamed ‘I AM NOT STRAIGHT!!’, tucked gently into a vermillion beanie, which only fueled Bessie’s hope that her gaydar wasn’t messing up. She was dressed in black jeans and a red-and-black flannel, which had its ends tied together over her stomach. When she spoke up, her voice was husky and warm, tinged with a German accent.

“You’re good,” The woman said. “No worries!” She smiled down at Bessie, but it disappeared in almost an instant. “Hey, are you alright?”

Bessie sniffled, and she realized there were a lot more tears than she had thought. She opened her mouth, lips quivering, and pointed to the truck nearby without even thinking her decision through.

“Th-that truck,” She whimpered out. “I-it’s following me.”

Bessie expected the woman to dismiss her panic, saying something like, ‘there’s trucks everywhere!’ or ‘how do you know for sure that it’s following you?’, but instead she glared at the truck and flipped the driver off as it sped away.

“Fucking creep,” The woman muttered. She turned back to Bessie, looking concerned, and set a hand on her shoulder. When Bessie flinched at the contact, she respectfully pulled her arm away, and Bessie cursed her instinct to recoil at any touch because she really wanted this woman to touch her (just not like that, not like _that_ \--). “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah,” Bessie said, quickly wiping away the tears that were still on her cheeks. “Th-thank you.”

The woman smiled that beautiful smile again. “No problem!” She seemed to sense that Bessie was still on edge because she then said, “Would you like me to walk you to class?”

Bessie looked surprised, but nodded fervently. “Y-yes. Please.”

The woman nodded and began walking with Bessie, scanning around the area as if she were a guard dog. “I’m Anna, by the way.”

“Bessie,” Bessie said.

“Bessie?” Anna echoed.

Bessie blushed faintly. “It’s silly, isn’t it? It’s the 21st-century, who names a kid ‘Bessie’ if they aren’t a cow?” She gave a small laugh, shifting her belongings in her arms. “Umm-- My real name is Elizabeth.”

“I think Bessie is cute.” Anna commented.

The blush turned from a light pink to a deep, dark red in an instant. Bessie’s pale skin definitely didn’t help make it any less noticeable. 

“R-really?” Bessie stammered, wide-eyed.

“Yeah!” Anna nodded, grinning. “It’s impossible to create a nickname for my name unless it’s the dumb ‘Anna Banana’ one.”

Bessie giggled. “What about ‘Annie’?”

Anna thought it over, then tipped her head at Bessie with a smile. “I like Annie, actually. Good thinking, Bessie.”

Bessie’s ears felt like they were on fire, but, for once, it was in a good way. She couldn’t help but smile back shyly.

“Okay, so I actually have no idea where we’re going,” Anna admitted. “I’ve just been following you. I’m new here.”

“Oh,” Bessie said, nodding. “That explains why I’ve never seen you before. Where’d you come from?”

“Düsseldorf, Germany,” Anna said, which explained the really attractive accent. Bessie’s face burned even hotter. “I’m living in an apartment down the road. I prefer to have my own personal bathroom.”

Bessie giggled. “I get that. Living in a dorm has its perks, though.”

“Really? Like what?”

Bessie was silent. “Hang on, I’ll think of something…”

Anna laughed loudly, and Bessie couldn’t help but join in.

“You’re funny, Bessie,” Anna said as they got near the math building. “I like you.”

Bessie faltered. “R-really?”

“Really!” Anna said, then tilted her head. “You seem surprised.”

“Oh, no, I-I just--” Bessie trailed off awkwardly, not wanting to spill stupid stuff and ruin her friendship with this woman. She shook her head. “Nothing. Nevermind.” She looked at the large building looming over her. “Well. This is my stop. Thank you again for helping me. I had a really good time talking to you.”

“I did too,” Anna smiled. “See you around, Bessie.” She gave a saluting goodbye before turning and walking down the sidewalk with her hands in her pockets.

Bessie watched her go, her heart thumping wildly in her chest. Not even the frigid wind could cool down the heat on her face.

“Bye,” She whispered long after Anna had walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

Something sharp prodded Bessie in the ribs, snapping her out of a trance that was clouded by the sweet memory of Anna’s smile. She blinked and looked to the side, seeing a birdy-looking kid leaning over to her.

“Did you get the answer for the problem he just did?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” Bessie slid over her notebook, and the kid eagerly began scrawling down the work onto his own paper.

It was hard to focus on her Algebra class. Well, it was always hard to focus, but for once it wasn’t because of The Beast or her self-hatred, rather because of the massive crush she had on the woman she just met.

Nobody had ever looked at her the way Anna looked at her. Usually she was met with stares of pity or disgust or hatred or even all three, but Anna… Anna looked like she genuinely liked her. She smiled at her and laughed at her, and it wasn’t in a cruel or mean way. She just--enjoyed being around her.

Bessie couldn’t stop thinking about Anna over the course of her next two classes. By the time lunch rolled around, it was official: she was in love with Anna von Cleves.

As she nibbled on the sandwich she bought from the cafe and wrote complete nonsense into her personal journal to pass the time, someone sat down across from her. She instinctively flinched back until she heard that sweet, German-tinged voice.

“Isn’t it a little cold to be out here?”

Bessie’s head whipped up and she couldn’t help but smile widely when she saw Anna sitting there.

“Someone is happy to see me,” Anna said, laughing slightly. “I’m glad. I’ve been looking for you.”

“R-really?” Bessie stammered, already feeling her ears heating up.

“Really.” Anna said. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. And I wanted to talk to you.”

Bessie’s heart began to thump harder in her chest. “Thank you. I-I mean--”

Anna laughed. “You’re adorable.” She leaned forward interestedly. “So… What are you majoring in?”

“Forensic science,” Bessie told her. 

“Ooo!” Anna cooed. “Do you like it?”

“Totally,” Bessie said gleefully without thinking it through. “It’s fascinating! We’re learning EVERYTHING there is to know. Entomology, toxicology, trace evidence, fingerprints, blood spatter analysis, DNA- everything. It’s so,” Her hands fluttered as she tried to find the words, “--it’s incredible. There’s a case--” She plucked up her journal and flipped through the pages until she came to a specific one and showed it to Anna. Notes on a case about a dismembered torso was scribbled on the pages. “--on this unidentified torso that was found and the pathologists were able to find out who it was by using the HIP BONE. Nothing else! Isn’t that incredible?”

“Yeah,” Anna agreed.

“Oh-- I’m sorry.” She was blushing again, but this time it was a nervous blush. “I’m babbling.”

“No, no, it’s alright!” Anna said, “You love what you’re learning. That’s great!”

Bessie smiled softly. “What about you? What are you majoring in?”

“I’m double majoring in music and zoology,” Anna answered. “Minoring in animal behavior. I want to work with animals. Maybe open up a rescue or big cat sanctuary.”

“To teach them how to play music?” Bessie asked.

Anna blinked then burst out into laughter. “Okay, okay, I know how it sounds.” She said. “Odd mix, huh? But I really love music as well. You know, animal rescuer by day, musician by night!”

“That’s a really cool idea, Anna!” Bessie said honestly. “It’s really sweet that you want to do that for the animals.” _Because you’ve already rescued me..._

“You think so?” 

“Definitely!” Bessie said, hoping she wasn’t laying her eagerness on too thick. All she wanted was to hear Anna talk.

Out of the corner of her eye, Bessie noticed a gaggle of girls peering over at her and Anna suspiciously. They kept whispering things to each other, and it made Bessie’s stomach knot up because she was sure she knew what they were talking about.

 **“Say goodbye to your little friend,”** The Beast said, its body stretched beside the table. Bessie didn’t dare turn her head to face it, but she could see its bright red eyes glinting just out of her peripheral vision.

“Bessie?” Anna’s voice brought Bessie back to full awareness. She sounded concerned. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Bessie said, shaking her head like she thought it could dislodge The Beast from her mind. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to drift off.”

“No, it’s alright,” Anna said. “I’m glad you’re okay.

Despite the group of girls still whispering about her and The Beast smirking up at her, Bessie’s heart fluttered.

When she looked down, she realized that Anna’a hand was in her own on the tabletop.

\---

There was a moat around the theater building. In the spring and summer, it would be filled with dozens of turtles and ducks, but at this time of the year, it was covered in a sheet of ice. 

And it seemed to beckon Bessie.

All Bessie ever wanted to do was be on ice. She liked the rush of adrenaline it gave her from standing on something so fragile, yet so strong. It held together perfectly, but at any moment it could all shatter apart.

Almost like a mirror.

Bessie shed her coat and journals and phone on the bay as if she were in a trance. She stepped onto the ice, relishing the sound of crackling frost as if it were breaking bones. She took another step and slowly slid to the center of the moat. It circled all the way around the theater building, connected by four different bridges. She wondered if the ice would break if she jumped off of one.

Breathing in deeply, Bessie felt icy cold daggers slash through her lungs. The air was sharp; she enjoyed the way it felt in her throat. She breathed in again.

She began grinding her heel against the ice. There was no way it was that strong, and yet it held together when she soon started stomping. She grit her teeth with a small growl.

What did it take to just fall through and die in this damn world?

“Bessie!”

The cry made Bessie jump, and she actually thought she heard the ice crack slightly when she did so. She turned around sharply to see Anna jogging over, concern in her eyes.

“A-Anna,” Bessie stammered.

“What are you doing?” Anna asked, skidding to a halt at the shore. “You’re going to fall!

 _That’s the point._ “I-I just--” 

“Come back here,” Anna said. “You’re shivering!”

Bessie didn’t know how to say no, especially to a pretty woman she really wanted to like her, so she haphazardly walked across the ice to get back to dry land. Upon stepping onto the bay, Anna draped her coat around her shoulders and gave her her belongings.

“Thank you,” Bessie said, still slightly dazed. “S-sorry…”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Anna asked. “I know you said you were earlier, but…”

“N-no, I’m fine,” Bessie lied. “I just--” She looked back at the frozen moat. “I like being on the ice, that’s all.” She shook her head. “Sorry, that’s so weird.”

“I don’t think so,” Anna said. “I’m assuming you’re an ice skater?”

“Umm-- No.”

Anna blinked, then furrowed her eyebrows. “Oh. Really? You’re not?”

“Yeah,” Bessie rubbed her arm awkwardly. “Did you think I was?”

“Well, yeah,” Anna said. “It would make sense for an ice skater to enjoy being on ice.” She then tipped her head with a smile. “Plus, you’re pretty enough to be one.”

Bessie’s face went red in an instant. “Wh-what? R-r-really?” God, she was stuttering so bad.

Anna grinned brightly. “Yeah!”

“Oh, stop it!” Bessie batted at her. 

Anna took her hands and squeezed them. “I’m serious.”

Bessie looked up at her, eyes shining, and whispered, “Th-thank you.”

\---

That evening, Bessie went to the local sports store and bought a pair of ice skates. As she was examining them while walking home, she couldn’t help but feel if there was another reason for her purchase. Because as she looked at the skates, the blades reflected the eyes of The Beast and the sharpness seemed to be calling her name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are greatly appreciated!! 🥺


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are greatly appreciated!!

When the blades first touched the ice, a memory sparked inside of Bessie’s head.

She was seven, maybe eight, and she was on ice. Not a frozen body of water, but a rink that you had to pay to get into. She was spinning around, giggling, and imagining she was an ice princess doing a magical dance to imaginary winter animals. After pulling off a successful twirl, she turned her beaming expression to the stands, where her mother was sitting, gazing down at her phone.

“Mama!” She shouted.

Catherine’s shoulder twitched, signaling that she had heard her, but she didn’t look up.

“Mama!” Bessie tried again, this time louder.

Still nothing. She thought her mother was grinding her teeth, but she couldn’t be sure. She glided over to the railing.

“MAMAAAA!!”

“ _What?_ ” Catherine hissed, whipping her head up so fast it made Bessie flinch. “What do you want?”

“Did you see my spin?” Bessie asked eagerly.

“No. I didn’t see your spin, Elizabeth.” Catherine answered dryly.

“Oh… I can do it again!”

“ _No, Elizabeth._ ” Catherine growled. “I don’t want to see it.”

“But Mama--”

“You won’t impress me,” Catherine had told her bluntly. “You’ll never be as good as them.” She nodded at a group of skaters that were moving with practiced professionalism. “I don’t know why you’re even trying.”

The memory faded with a rush of frosty air and Bessie shivered. Her mother’s words never seemed to leave her, no matter how much she tried to block them out. They were always there, reminding her how awful and untalented she was.

Bessie shook her head and placed the other ice skate on the ice, only to nearly get flung backwards when she slipped. She threw out her arms, waving them as if they were wings as she attempted to get her balance again. Slowly, the sense of vertigo faded and she drifted to the center of the pond.

Instead of going home to her dorm, Bessie had gone to Catalina’s house. Catalina was a family friend that owned a small farm on the outskirts of the city. Right next to the house was a small pond, which Bessie decided to use as her training ground.

Gently pushing one of her feet against the ice, Bessie slid forward unsteadily. She was trying to bring back the ability to skate from her childhood, but it seemed all the muscle memory for the act was completely gone from her body. She felt for all the world like Bambi, knees wobbling and arms flying everywhere when she tried to catch herself before she could fall.

Bessie (very badly) skated in slow circles around the perimeter of the pond. She couldn’t tell if she was just weak or the ice skates were actually really heavy, but it felt like she had two bladed anchors attached to her feet. Her knees shook treacherously each time she lifted a leg, threatening to buckle beneath the weight.

 **“What are you doing this for?”** Asked The Beast. It was there again, reflected across the ice like a ghastly silhouette. 

Bessie ignored it.

**“Is it to impress that woman?”**

One step at a time. She skated shakily around the pond.

**“She isn’t going to love you just because you learned to ice skate.”**

She let the blades slice through something that wasn’t her own flesh for once.

**“If anything, she’ll think you’re creepy for suddenly learning just because she said you looked like a skater.”**

That threw Bessie off.

The left skate slashed forward too quickly and Bessie was flung to the ice. She landed hard, groaning softly as her back ached from the fall. She rolled over, and The Beast appeared beneath the surface, slamming against the ice in a jump scare that nearly sent Bessie’s heart into her throat, its face so close to her own.

**“She will never love you.”**

Bessie jerked away with a short scream, scrambling backwards on her hands. She used the chill against her bare palms to ground her, curling her nails into the thin layer of frost across the surface. She closed her eyes and took five deep breaths, and when she opened them again, The Beast was no longer there. 

She breathed out a sigh of relief and got back to her feet, only to slip on the blood on her skates.

Wait--

Blood?

Bessie stared down in horror at the redness dripping from the blades of her ice skates. She rubbed her eyes, but it was still there when she looked again. Blood was starting to soak through her pants and shirt, too, but she didn’t know why and she was starting to panic and it hurt and she couldn’t breathe--

There was a cracking sound from behind. Bessie turned around slowly to watch as The Beast broke through the ice and began to crawl out of the pond. Sharp sheets and shards of ice ripping open deep, meaty gashed across its back, spilling out blood everywhere, but it didn’t stop. It reached its massive claws out to Bessie, smirking sadistically.

**“Only _I_ will ever love you, darling.”**

A scream surfaced in Bessie’s throat. She scrambled backwards, kicking out her bladed, bloodied feet as if she thought they could protect her. And they did. She struck The Beast in the jaw with one of her skates as its huge body was leaning over her, making it recoil backwards with a snarl of pain. Bessie took that chance to flee, but her arms gave in to her panic once she reached the bay and curled up in the freezing cold snow, unable to move any longer because of the force of the attack she was beginning to have.

 **“You can’t run from me, darling,”** The Beast purred. It seemed to be getting bigger and bigger the more it wiggled out of the hole in the pond. Without the blackness shrouding its frame, it was huge, with the grotesque face of an insane man, the claws of a demon, and a body that seemed to be made of two people lying together, fused by muscular, bulging bloodied flesh that was riddled with throbbing purple-red veins. Its hands were bigger than her head and they grasped at her desperately. **“ _I told you._ ”**

Bessie kicked her legs again, nailing one of its hands. The Beast let out a ghastly roar of pain. Its arched, slab-like hump of a back twitched and heaved as the larger figure underneath the skin thrust mercilessly into the one below it, a piteous, feebly-struggling thing that was barely distinguishable from the mattress of tissue that they both sunk into. Bessie felt ill and dizzy looking at it.

“No… No…” Bessie whimpered meekly, tears falling rapidly from her eyes. “No, no, no-- Please, no! No!”

The Beast laughed deeply. Its claws left grooves across the ice as it emerged fully, gigantic and horrifying. It crawled on its knees, unnaturally long tongue lolling out of its mouth, hunger in its eyes.

“No… No, Henry, please--” A huge, clawed hand grabbed her by the thigh tightly. “NO, DON’T!!”

“Elizabeth!”

Bessie’s eyes popped open wide and she gasped. She looked up slowly, whimpering, and saw Catalina kneeling there beside her, concern written all over her face.

Catalina had always been an angel in Bessie’s mind. Her dark skin seemed to glow in the light, as if her ethereal body was constantly being lit up in its grace. Her kinky brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail, meaning she had been cooking, and her honey-colored eyes were filled with so much love and worry. One of her hands was on Bessie’s leg, then her face, cradling her head off of the cold snow.

“Elizabeth,” Catalina said again, noticing that she was aware of her presence. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

For a moment, all Bessie could do was stare up at her with impossibly wide eyes. Then, she was jerking up so fast her head spun and looking around wildly in a panic.

But there was no Beast.

There was no hole in the ice.

There wasn’t even any blood on her skates or clothes.

There was nothing except some deep grooves in the ice from her scramble and a few judgemental animal heads poking out from the fencing around the nearby barn.

“Easy,” Catalina said, carefully setting a hand on her shoulder. “Easy, honey… It’s okay. Nothing is here. Nobody is going to hurt you.”

Bessie looked up at Catalina, her mouth hanging open, but she couldn’t say anything. The words were caught in her throat.

“I know,” Catalina seemed to understand the unspoken comments anyway. “I know, baby. It’s okay.”

Bessie whimpered and more tears streamed free from her eyes. She realized only then how badly she was shivering. The snow had bitten through her clothing and now she was wet and cold and even more miserable.

“Can you stand up?” Catalina asked softly.

Bessie nodded, only to remember that she had ice skates on when she attempted to get up. Catalina frowned and helped her take them off and put on her boots before trying to stand again.

Bessie couldn’t stop looking back at the pond as Catalina led her away. On her third glance, The Beast was there, smirking from beneath the ice. She flinched and pressed closer to Catalina, shaking even harder.

Upon arriving at the house, Catalina instantly took Bessie to the guest bedroom, which was basically her bedroom. They had to walk past Catalina’s wife, Jane, who looked equally concerned, and it just made the bubbling guilt inside of Bessie grow worse.

“Here,” Catalina picked out some fluffy pajamas with a bear on the shirt for her. “Dry off and get changed out of those wet clothes. I don’t want you to catch a cold.”

Bessie nodded silently, still unable to speak. Catalina frowned at her, then kissed her forehead gently.

“Come out when you’re done. Dinner is done.”

Another nod. Catalina watched her for a moment longer before walking out.

Bessie’s arms and legs felt like lead as she peeled off her wet clothes and got dressed into the pajamas. Her head seemed to be stuffed with cotton, but the fog was slowly starting to recede.

It was scary how realistic her attacks were becoming.

Catalina and Jane both stopped whispering to each other in the kitchen when Bessie stepped out of the guest room. She knew they were talking about her. Everyone seemed to be.

“Come take your medicine, then get some food,” Catalina said.

Bessie wrinkled her nose. “Medicine?” 

“Yes, sweetie,” Catalina said patiently. “It’ll help you.”

Bessie didn’t want to make Catalina mad, so she obliged and swallowed the thick orange pill she gave her. Afterwards, she grabbed a loaf of toast and poured herself a bowl of potato soup, then sat down at the dinner table. She swore she could even see The Beast’s reflections in her fucking _food_.

“So,” Jane spoke up, “what got you into ice skating?”

Bessie remembered being scared of Jane when they first met four years ago. Despite the woman’s soft features, her steel grey eyes looked sharp and dangerous, like she was constantly daring people to fuck with her. She looked like she could easily verbally pummel someone and not feel guilty about it afterwards.

“Oh, umm,” Bessie shifted slightly. She took a quick bite of toast before saying, “Th-there was this, umm-- this girl…”

Both Jane and Catalina’s eyes lit up.

“A _girl?_ ” Aragon echoed eagerly.

“Does little Elizabeth have a crush?” Jane teased playfully.

Bessie blushed bright pink and looked away. “W-we’re just friends!”

“That’s what Lina said about me,” Jane chuckled. “And look at us now.”

Oh god, she was right. Does that mean that she and Anna could possibly…? 

Bessie’s blush darkened.

“Aww,” Catalina cooed. “You are so cute.”

“J-just friends,” Bessie said again.

“With benefits,” Jane said while taking a sip of wine.

“J-Jane!!” Bessie squealed.

“I’m joking, I’m joking,” Jane said with a light chuckle. “You know, I had a friend who used to be a ice skating trainer. If you want to impress your ‘female friend’, maybe you should ask her for advice on how to skate.”

Bessie perked up. “Do you think she’d help me?”

“I’m sure she would! Here, let me write you down her address. You can pay her a little visit tomorrow. Just say that Jane Seymour sent you.”


End file.
